34-year-old man allows his female friend to use his female roommates expensive shampoo and conditioner, asks her why she hid them from her the 2nd time she tried to use them: 'It’s not my responsibility to provide spa products for her'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Jan 23, 2025 1:00 PM EST

There are implicit social rules about borrowing things from roommates. I will ask my roommates if I can borrow one of their tomatoes for a recipe, but I won't hesitate to use their garlic powder without asking. Life would be so tedious if every roommate had to buy their own eggs that only they could use, crowding up the fridge with four egg cartons. When it comes to the basics, any rational roommate is okay with sharing. If they've got you this time,  you'll get them next time. 

In my opinion, the basics usually don't include expensive beauty products. I will always let my roommates or their houseguests borrow my hairspray or hair dryer when they need it, but there's no way they're going to use my exorbitantly expensive shampoo for blondes. If they were having a blonde emergency, I would offer it, but under normal circumstances, that's totally unnecessary. 

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10458664448
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 02
    AITA for hiding my expensive shampoo and conditioner from my friend's guest?
    via u/UpbeatCow9528
  • 03
    I (28F) share an apartment with my friend (34M). Last weekend, while we were away, he invited his female friend (Sarah) to stay over. When we got back, I noticed she had used most of my shampoo and conditioner without asking. I had splurged on these expensive products to treat myself. I also make a lot less money than my friend.
    via u/UpbeatCow9528
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    mockup LASS SHAMPOO OTTLE MOCKUPS MOCKUPFREE NET ALMEERVER BY MOCKUPFREE NE .NET
    via Mockup Free

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 05
    Today, Sarah came over again for a visit and asked to shower at ours before heading to a dance class. However, I had taken my expensive products to my room this time, leaving only my friend's basic shampoo out for her to use. When she couldn't find the conditioner, she asked my friend,
    via u/UpbeatCow9528
  • 06
    who came to my room to ask me about it. I told him that she's his guest, and it's not my responsibility to provide spa products for her. My friend got mad and thinks I'm r de and petty. AITA?
    via u/UpbeatCow9528

    As someone who buys shampoo and conditioner for $40 each and comes in 9 oz bottles, this girl would never be allowed in my home again, let alone the shower. 

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    Cheezburger Image 10458679808
    via Ryan Snaadt

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 08
    Mizzo2 • 17h ago A hole Aficionado [17] Ask your roommate how much the products cost. Laugh in his face when he thinks it's like men's shampoo that's $5 (I say this as a man). NTA. Also, I get having a quick shower to freshen up but who does a whole shampoo and condition before going to a dance class that's just going to drop a bunch of sweat into their hair anyway? NTA x2
    via u/Mizzo2
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    • knight_shade_realms ⚫ 17h ago Yeahhh this OP Your friend should be caring for his guest Tell him how much you spent and advise him to purchase it for her. He should be happy you didn't ask him to reimburse you for the ridiculous amount she used on her last visit
    via u/knight_shade_realms
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    Hot_Satisfaction7378 • 13h ago For sure! If he wants her to have the good stuff, he can buy it. OP's already being chill by not asking him to replace what she used.
    via u/Hot_Satisfaction7378
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    Curlycue1412 . 17h ago Yeah I just added up the cost of my hair stuff and it comes to about $50. She just needs to make it clear how much it costs and if he wants to pay to replace it when his friend used it (and it sounds like she's using excessive amounts) then go ahead.
    via u/Curlycue1412
  • 12
    1angryravenclaw • 14h ago Right? I'm a woman, and who does that? You're visiting a guy with a female roommate and you see men's Suave and an expensive women's brand -- you better believe I'm exiting the shower smelling like cheap "lumberjack mist". And I don't care. Seriously, who goes "well this roommate has $40 shampoo, I'm going to use half of it and no one will care"?
    via u/1angryravenclaw
  • 13
    piamettes • 17h ago • Edited 17h ago Part ipant [1] NTA, I have lived with people who I don't trust to not use my stuff, and have had to only bring my stuff to the shower when I'm actively using it. It's a horrible feeling to feel like your personal property is not being respected. No one should have to be stressed/paranoid about their personal belongings being stolen in their own home.
    via u/piamettes
  • 14
    Both of them should know what happened and one of them SHOULD offer to repay the loss in some way. It's ridiculous that she complained about products she has no ownership of missing from the shower. It's not r de or petty of you. She's the r de one for not only disrespecting personal property, but then pushing about it when it was no longer present in the shower. Utterly ridiculous to the point that I wish I found this difficult to believe. Because of my own experience, I believe this, and also
    via u/piamettes
  • 15
    Also if she needs to use shampoo/conditioner, she needs to bring her own, or the roommate needs to provide it. Unfortunately, I'd suggest not putting your stuff back in the shower.
    via u/piamettes
  • 16
    UpbeatCow9528 OP • 17h ago I feel it's almost ridiculous too but I also might just be too uptight. We are in my friend's home country (Argentina) and sharing is more normal here. That's what he is saying at least. However, I still believe that having boundaries is not r de
    via u/UpbeatCow9528
  • 17
    Eelpan2 • 16h ago Part ipant [2] I live in Argentina. And hol no. I have never heard of anyone showering at someones house during a quick visit. While we are more open in a lot of things nobody I know would just do that and even less grab something to use without asking. Your friend is full of cr p.
    via u/Eelpan2
  • 18
    libbitha • 15h ago honestly the audacity she had to ask about it blows me away, you waste a ton of someone else's expensive products without apology or reimbursement it's not a mystery why you can't find those things next time you come over.
    via u/libbitha
  • 19
    sunflower_noir • 17h ago Part ipant [2] NTA. How does someone use ALL of a product like shampoo and conditioner?? How much did she use?? She's not your guest and not entitled to your stuff. That's the end of it.
    via u/sunflower_noir
  • 20
    TheMightySartorius • 14h ago Day 2 she might've brought some empty bottles to pour a bunch into
    via u/TheMightySartorius
  • 21
    Current Two_7395 • 16h ago NTA. Listen, once is an accident. I could potentially believe that expensive products belong to their male friend and not the female roommate. But in my opinion, using them once and then explicitly noticing that the products are NOT there anymore sends a very clear message: You weren't supposed to use those. The polite thing to do is apologize, or at the very least don't bring it up
    via u/Current Two_7395
  • 22
    fedsmoker75 • 8h ago 100%. I've showered at a friend's house and just grabbed whatever's there for shampoo. If I realized it was expensive, I'd say “my bad”. To complain that a certain product isn't there any more is unhinged behavior.
    via u/fedsmoker75
  • 23
    StAlvis 17h ago Gal tic Overlord [2167] NTA Who showers at someone else's home?
    via u/StAlvis

    I understand if someone is a house guest staying overnight, but that is not implied in the original post at all. 

  • 24
    piamettes • 17h ago Part ipant [1] Some people have looser boundaries and keep their homes more "open" toward friends. Speaking from experience, it's a real pain to share a living situation with people like that if you're not of the same mindset. It leads to a lot of overstepping of boundaries and loss of personal property.
    via u/piamettes
  • 25
    Though if the friend is more than a friend, the showering makes some sense, or if Sarah is genuinely in need of a shower and returning home just to shower would be inconvenient. That said, if she must use shampoo/conditioner, she should bring her own.
    via u/piamettes
  • 26
    JeepersCreepers74 • 17h ago Sultan of Sphincter [789] NTA. You're a roommate, not a salon. If she's particular about the products she uses, she needs to carry a travel set around for all her impromptu showers in other people's homes.
    via u/JeepersCreepers74

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hair bad roommate roommate bad roommates friends shower products hair products friend shampoo bathroom conditioner expensive roommates apartment
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